you're exactly where you need to be (aug-sep '22 retrospective)

This summer, I spent 26 days traveling alone in New York City. It was one of those life events that arose when you thought you were traversing well down one road towards a singular destination, only to realize that the path suddenly split off and you were instead launched in an entirely opposite direction.

Writing about this now well over a month later, I find myself thinking less and less of the “what-ifs,” and I can sense that the quiet process of grieving I underwent is finally wrapping up its last pages.

Being alone in a big city was a huge and healing comfort. I know that a past, younger version of myself would have been overwhelmed, but I was so proud to discover in myself a gentle sense of ease throughout my trip. I was entirely on my own schedule, making my own decisions about when to wake up, what to eat, or where to go without having to consult a second opinion or doing a balancing act for another’s needs (which basically sums up my lifelong modus operandi as an Enneagram 9w1, ENFJ, and Libra sun/Cancer ascendant—if you’re into all of that hubbub).

I was content with my daily selection of low-key activities: walking around a new neighborhood, wandering a quiet museum, catching a film in a local theater, and taking my pick from an endless array of vegetarian/vegan-friendly restaurants. My last visit was very brief and over 5 years ago, but this time I felt I finally got to meet the city and see more of her beauty than I’d ever imagined there could be.

I’m also beyond grateful that I had the chance to reconnect with a few old friends from my Jubilee fellowship class—creative and kind souls who encouraged me to reorient my mindset with a different fervor and energy, a kind that I hadn’t realized I’d extinguished over the last 6 years. Thank you to Thi, Josh, and Cynthia for sharing your time, presence, and words with me. 💖

Throughout those last humid weeks of summer, I sweat way more than I normally do and had endless blisters on my feet from all the walking I did. Yet now that my toes have healed and the dryness of fall has made itself known even in California, I find that I miss it all so much.

I’m not one to journal about my travels in terms of what I did every day, but I do have old ticket stubs, Google Calendar, and my trip planning checklists to refer back to, so below is my offering of some lists that encapsulate my NYC experience while recovering from heartbreak this summer. 💌

Films Watched

Sharp Stick (2022) dir. Lena Dunham @ Nitehawk Williamsburg
Licorice Pizza (2021) dir. PTA @ MoMI
Emily the Criminal (2022) dir. John Patton Ford @ BAM Rose Cinema
The Territory (2022) dir. Alex Pritz @ Film Forum
Three Thousand Years of Longing (2022) dir. George Miller @ Regal Kaufman Astoria
Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) dir. Halina Reijn @ Cobble Hill Theatre
Funny Pages (2022) dir. Owen Kline @ Walter Read Theater (Lincoln Center)
The Good Boss (2021) dir. Fernando León de Aranoa @ BAM Rose Cinema
Peter Von Kant (2022) dir. François Ozon @ IFC Center

memorable experiences (not in chronological order)

Sunset over the Hudson River from Pier 57 Rooftop Park (you could see heavy clouds and rain just across the river as the sun turned the rest of the sky purple and gold)
Every single walk in Astoria, especially along the East River towards Socrates Sculpture Park
Burning the roof of my mouth with a slice of 99¢ pizza 👄🔥
Little jade necklace bought from the Queens Night Market
Not making it to the Guggenheim two weeks in a row for their PWYC Saturday evening admission lol
$26 haircut in NYC Chinatown – such a relief to chop off the last two dreadful years!
Seeing Joe Hisaishi perform in person. I dressed up, ate a nice meal at Hangawi, and let myself cry surrounded by strangers while the symphony played pieces from my favorite films
Walking around BK Navy Yards and catching the late ferry
The sheer amount of fear and anxiety that was experienced at The McKittrick Hotel’s Sleep No More 💀
Another sunset while walking through Brooklyn Heights
Vegetarian dim sum at Bodhi
Two nights in the cutest little Library Hotel
Waiting way too long in line for Morgenstern’s one late night, but then I tasted the raw milk flavor with black sesame honeycomb and all was right again
Spotted posters for THE CAR while walking around killing time before a Sofarsounds
The oat milk soft serve with crumbled halva and a tahini swirl from Seed + Mill
…and many other tidbits that I can’t recall at this very moment!